On Easter Sunday, the BFA community was rocked by the news that one of our "legacy" staff members, Mari Ellen, had passed away suddenly. She had faithfully served both the students and the staff of BFA for over twenty years through her friendship and role as counselor. Her laughter was distinct and contagious, and the source of her joy was evident to all. She went to the hospital during spring break for what should have been a routine hip replacement surgery and was beginning to work through the recovery and therapy process when an embollism changed everything.
During my first year on staff at BFA, I recall Mari Ellen sitting down with me to process a scary situation I'd just experienced. During the lunch break, a troubled student had made a legitimate threat to jump out of my fourth floor classroom window in front of several other students. I did not witness this, but managed to waltz right into the aftermath - students sobbing uncontrollably, lots of yelling, the whole nine yards. I was the first adult on the scene and because it had unfolded in my classroom, I felt somehow responsible for the whole thing. When the dust settled Mari Ellen listened while I unloaded my feelings of guilt - "I should have locked my classroom during lunch." "I should have been paying more attention on lunch duty." "I shouldn't have let the students be alone." Then she assured me that no matter how I tried to spin the situation, it wasn't my fault. She told me I had done the right thing in how I responded to and handled the situation, and that I shouldn't feel any guilt over what had happened that day.
Aside from that and other brief exchanges, I didn't have the privilege of knowing Mari Ellen very personally. Despite the fact that we were both single ladies, the age difference caused us to run in different social circles and because we worked in different departments, I didn't get to see much of her at school. In more recent weeks our paths had crossed on several occasions. We both attended a party celebrating St. Patrick's Day at a mutual friend's house, and a few weeks later we joined forces with some other staff members to play Coldplay's Clocks on the handbells at the BFA Talent Show. Thinking back on those few close encounters I had with her, I found myself regretting the fact that I hadn't made the effort to get to know her better. Just like two years prior when I had played the "woulda-coulda-shoulda" game with my troubled student, I began listing all the possible ways I could have made Mari Ellen a bigger part of my life. But these opportunities have all passed, and so in grieving the loss of her life, I am also grieving the loss of something I didn't even have - her friendshp.
Instead of allowing myself to feel guilt over what could or should have been, today I choose to be thankful for the short time I had with Mari Ellen here on earth and look forward to sharing eternity with her (and her perfect hip!) someday.
Please pray for the staff and students of BFA. Our mourning is bittersweet because we know she is in the place of perfect love yet we long to be with her! Spring break has ended and school resumes Tuesday - some students will be hearing this news for the first time during tomorrow's assembly. On Tuesday evening there will be a memorial service for members of the BFA community to celebrate Mari Ellen's life.
I would encourage you to visit the BFA website to read more about the legacy Mari Ellen left behind. She touched hundreds of students' lives during her service to BFA, and people from around the world have recorded their memorials to her on this page.
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