the big reveal

Ten years ago this past summer, I participated in my first short term missions trip to Costa Rica. At that time I already knew that I wanted to be a teacher, and I had been studying Spanish rather intensely. I was excited for the chance to finally speak with real, live Spanish speakers - something my classmates didn't get! During that trip, God laid on my heart a burden for the children of the nations. I later realized that God was directing me towards teaching overseas in an international school. At the time that I graduated high school, I expected that I would move to Central or South America after college to teach because of the place Costa Rica and the Spanish language held in my heart. I enjoyed Spanish so much that I wrote poems in Spanish with my friends, formed thoughts in Spanish, and constantly translated everything around me into Spanish. So it's no surprise, then, that when people first learned that I was going to Germany in the fall of 2009, there was much confusion.

"Rachel, you know they don't speak Spanish in Germany, right?"
"Your Spanish isn't going to help you in Germany!"
"WHY are you going to GERMANY?!"

I was confused, too. But I trusted that God knew what He was doing and that I would be wise to stick to His plan. I quickly discovered that everything I needed to say I could articulate in Spanish, which of course was totally useless! So, I started studying German and am now reasonably proficient at understanding most of what I hear/read (speaking...not so much!). Meanwhile over the last six years I have kept that desire to serve in a Spanish-speaking country. It's been tucked away in a neat little box in the attic of my mind, collecting dust but still there, taking up space. Every once in awhile I'd pull out the box, dust it off, and peek inside. Sure enough, that desire was still there.

Fast-forward to today. German social security regulations dictate that I must leave the country for 366 days every five years. This has only recently become an issue for BFA and has turned many of our lives upside down. Transitioning out of Germany and into America for just one year and then returning has created an array of new complications and interesting situations. To be completely honest, the thought made me sick. As much as I wanted to be near my family, I hated the idea of leaving BFA and my students. Then several of my colleagues and administrators suggested that I consider teaching at another international school for my year out. After much prayer and consideration, I submitted an application to one school and continued to pray.

This Saturday, I will be flying to Madrid, Spain to visit the Evangelical Christian Academy. ECA is a school very similar to BFA on a much smaller scale. I have submitted an application to teach in the middle school and will have the opportunity next week to visit classes, meet staff and students, and learn more about the school. I am thrilled about the possibility of continuing in service to the missions community while also getting the chance to use my Spanish once again. Nothing is official yet and I have not been offered a position, and I am still praying about whether I should accept a position should it be offered.

I am beyond excited to head out tomorrow morning and begin this new adventure of exploring possibilities for this next chapter. Please join me in praying for God to make His path clear to me during my time in Spain and that I would be able to have the necessary conversations and connections to determine if this is what I should pursue.

what's the point in disappointment?

Lately I've been struggling with disappointment. It has taken on various forms in the last several months: Mourning the end of a romantic relationship. Dealing with negative attitudes from my students. Friend dynamics that have changed and left me feeling lonely. Losing motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Feeling overlooked or forgotten. Waking up every day knowing I have to leave Germany in a few months. Tension within my small group. Each little instance on its own is not even worth mentioning, nor does any one alone warrant despair for me. But, when they sweep through my days in seemingly rapid succession, my heart grows heavy and it becomes difficult to keep my chin up. 

Perhaps the biggest disappointment right now is that I was counting on spending Christmas in America this year. For those of you who weren't aware, I sold my car back in August in anticipation of the sizeable German tax bill that I knew was coming. It was the responsible thing to do, knowing that my car was an unnecessary luxury and would easily cover my tax bill and then some. That "and then some" was supposed to be enough to buy a plane ticket home for Christmas after I paid my bill. The problem arose when my tax bill never arrived (which apparently is quite common - that they don't arrive for months) and I was left wondering how much the bill would actually be. Apparently it is also common for these bills to be surprisingly higher or lower than expected, so I truly had no idea how to plan. For weeks I wavered on what to do. Should I buy a plane ticket and just pray for a miracle when the tax bill comes? Do I play it safe and just stay in Germany? Do I stay in Germany and, for a fraction of the cost, travel to a new country for break? Finally I committed to staying in Europe and playing it safe. I brushed off the initial letdown, telling myself that I should be thankful for one last Christmas in Germany. But the honest truth is that the disappointment at not being home for the holidays has been gnawing away at me for weeks. It's really much more of a bummer than I have been willing to admit even to myself, not to mention my friends and family. I know my family is disappointed, too. They haven't seen me since August 2012, and they miss me as much as I miss them. 

(Now there is actually one very exciting thing happening during Christmas break - as I mentioned in my newsletter last week I will be visiting another international school where I am considering teaching next year. I'm actually really looking forward to this trip, and I'll be officially revealing the destination here on the blog in a few days.)

So, I'm just very sad right now because of these disappointments. Even just writing that sentence makes me feel guilty, like I'm not content and can't see all the ways God has blessed me. That couldn't be further from the truth; I am overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and provision in my life. That doesn't mean I can't ever be sad - and honesty, it's myself I'm trying to convince of this, not you! I'm really just coming to grips with the fact that it's ok to simply be sad sometimes. 

Sometimes these disappointments are just little dampers on my day that are easily forgotten with a friend and a few bites of German chocolate. Other times they devour me, knock me flat on my back, force me to make a change in my life. I'm working through Donald Miller's Storyline with my small group girls, and we've begun to talk about our "turns" - the events in our lives that change us, like doorways that we can never go back through. Some of our turns are positive, and some are negative, and Miller challenges us to find redemption in each of the negative turns. He believes that ultimately God is writing a role for each of us in His narrative to save many lives, and that the turns we go though are like character development, preparing us for the roles we will someday play. Along with my girls, I too am trying to figure out what my role is, and how God is using my turns to prepare me to save many lives.

I'm leaving this unresolved because right now, I still have a lot of unanswered questions. I'm trying to figure out where God is in my disappointment. Is it ok to be disappointed? Does God even care that I'm disappointed? Does He feel disappointed with me? Is He insulted by my disappointment - does it mean I am discontent with what He has given me? How is God glorified in my disappointment?

What is the point in my disappointment?

Maybe I'll find answers soon, or maybe it will be a long time before I find out. Maybe I'll never figure it out. Either way, I appreciate your prayers as I work through these questions. I'd also appreciate prayers for a fulfilling and satisfying Christmas away from my family this year.

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Also, be sure to check back later this week, when I will reveal the location of the school where I am considering serving for the 2014-2015 school year! 

fall party: the final frontier

Our theme this year was perhaps one of my most favorite topics in the universe: SPACE! Here are some fun pictures of the middle school staff from the most epic fall party ever!

step into my classroom: gummy bear DNA

Life science students have just finished the first half of their genetics unit. During the first half of the unit, we learn about DNA replication, and the two types of cell division known as mitosis and meiosis. This unit has always been one of my favorites because of all the fun projects I've done with past classes. Every year is a little bit different - those of you who have been around for awhile may remember this mitosis video, or even the meiosis square dance! But one time-tested fan-favorite is the DNA lab in which the students create a strand of DNA using gummy bears, then walk through and model the process of DNA replication. It's such a visual, hands on way to review and reinforce the steps and the students always love getting to eat their project afterwards.

november newsletter

Happy first day of advent! Please click the image below to read my latest newsletter, which includes an exciting announcement!