not safe

Moving to Spain is stressing me out.

There. I said it.

I'm supposed to be excited about another adventure but right now all I can think about is how much work is going to need to happen in order for me to get to Madrid by August.

At first, I thought that going to Spain was taking the easy route. I'd just keep doing what I've been doing, teaching MKs in middle school and living in a country that's not my own. I would be able to keep working on support and not have to make things complicated tax-wise with American income. I would be close enough to Germany to return for my small group girls' graduation. It seemed like such a simple transition.

The reality of this situation is that I am making my life more complicated and this is, in fact, the harder path to take. First, I am adding another "home" to my heart. As someone who spent most of her life in the same town, I had a hard time identifying with the nomads who sat in my classroom conflicted about where they called home. After living in Germany for five year things have changed. Germany has become home for me, but I still have my HOME home in America. So when I go to the States and people say "Welcome home!" I become so turned around that I don't know whether to hug them or punch them in the face. Clearly that's not enough confusion for me as I will soon add Spain to my list of "homes" and be even more divided in my loyalties.

Another reason why this move is proving more difficult is because it will require me to continue living off the financial support of my friends and family. While at first this seemed ideal for long term ministry, it also makes things harder because let's face it, support raising is hard work and it's never over. Even when you get all the pledges and gifts you need to be fully funded, you have to maintain personal relationships with every single person who supports you. While I'd like to say otherwise, I have failed miserably at that aspect of the job. The discouraging lack of funding that I'm currently facing doesn't help matters, it just makes the idea of moving to America and getting a "real job" that much more tempting.

Finally, there's the paperwork. Don't even get me started on the paperwork. I have been working on my visa application since February and still don't have all the necessary documents in order for this application. It took over a month to get a letter of good health from my German doctor, and tonight I discovered that it will cost over $100 to translate two documents amounting to approximately four sentences into Spanish for this application. Then there's the trip I will have to make - probably by train - to the nearest Spanish consulate to apply in person and pay the hefty application fee and then face the very real possibility of my application being rejected because one staple is out of place.

I don't tell you all these things so that you can have pity on me, and please hear me: I am NOT complaining. I just need to put this into words: following Jesus is HARD WORK. No one ever said that the roads He calls us to walk will be easy, in fact He told us quite the opposite. We are to expect difficulty without being surprised, and we are called to face it with bravery rather than run away. If I believed that every bump on the road was some sort of warning sign from God then I would have left Germany within a week of arriving and never come back. I am making a conscious choice to take the hard road and do the things that scare me and make me question what in the world God is doing because I know that the rewards of an obedient life far outweigh the alternative. I am not called to live a safe life, and I can't let these difficulties scare me away.

This brings to mind a scene from C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." When the Beavers are explaining Aslan to the Pevensie children Susan inquires, "Is he safe?" Mr. Beaver laughs and retorts, "Safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

God is not calling me to be safe. He is calling me to take risks, be brave, and do hard things. I know I can trust Him to make this possible because He is GOOD.

Do you want to be a part of my unsafe life? Prayerfully consider becoming a monthly supporter or making a special one-time gift to help get my support account out of the red.

for crying out loud

I'm really bad at asking for help. At some point I got it into my head that I needed to be strong and independent, but somewhere along the line I became a little too independent. It's interesting, then, that I have chosen a lifestyle that relies on my ability to ask for help and live on the generosity of those around me.

It's also interesting that the concept of "crying out for help" has come up several times in my Bible studies over the last few months. It started with a sermon at church about the story of Jesus walking out to the disciples on the water and Peter asking Jesus to call him out of the boat. While a lot of people give Peter flack for his doubt and subsequent sinking, my pastor made a good point that I'd never thought of before: The reason he was even able to sink was because he got out of the boat! Not only that, but he asked Jesus to call him out of the boat. For some reason that struck a chord with me as I compared myself to Peter. Now I've never walked on the Rhein River but once upon a time I asked God to send me into the world, and in faith I stepped out of my comfortable boat into an ocean of foreign languages and cultural adjustments and homesickness and a bunch of crazy teenagers that make my life worth living. And like Peter, when I take my eyes off of Jesus I begin to sink -- not into the ocean but into anxiety, selfishness, and insecurity. Many also speculate on why Jesus let Peter sink. Couldn't he have just let Peter walk on water? Sure, but if he had, would Peter have truly placed his confidence in Jesus? Or would he have taken the credit for this little "miracle"? I think that Peter needed to cry out to Jesus and remember where his strength was coming from. He also needed to see firsthand that Jesus would hear and answer his cries.

In the days following that sermon, I got the unsettling sense that God was getting ready to bring me to a place where I would have no choice but to call out to Him to deliver me.

A few weeks later during my Beth Moore study on the life of David, the idea of crying out to God came up again. One thing I've really enjoyed during this study is the ability to look at the actual events in 1-2 Samuel, then read what was going through David's mind in the psalms that he wrote. David cried out to the Lord multiple times to deliver him from the hand of his enemies, which He did. Beth Moore wrote, "God could rescue us with or without our cry for help." So why, then, must we call on Him before He rescues us? She raises a very interesting question. The more I've thought about it, the more I am convinced that before I can truly appreciate God's hand in my life, I have to first be willing to admit that I need it. As long as I can take care of things on my own then I don't need to ask for help. The very act of asking is admitting that I can't do it on my own. I have to lay down my pride and place myself in God's hand before He can truly help me. Furthermore, when I surrender control and place my life in God's hands I have no choice but to give Him the glory for what happens next.

Over the last several weeks God has given me plenty of opportunities to put this new idea into practice, most notably last week when I received an email from TeachBeyond informing me that due to the balance of my account, my monthly "salary" is being reduced -- by about 20%. Once again I find myself dangerously close to being sent home just a few months before the school year is over.

I'll tell you a secret: raising support is not fun, enjoyable, or easy. In fact, it's the most stressful part of my job. There's so much pressure when your entire life is on display, and it's tempting to turn it into a display of my own strength and abilities. It's hard sometimes to keep the right perspective. But it's the life I have chosen for myself and the only way that I am able to serve my Who. After five years of struggling through the highs and lows of this life, I've come to the conclusion that it's not supposed to be easy. If it were, then I could take credit for it myself and no doubt forget to praise the One who truly deserves the credit. Because of the struggle, I am forced to truly humble myself before Him before He can help me, otherwise I'll continue operating under the delusion that I am enough and that I can take care of myself.

So now that I've cried out to Jesus and accepted that I can't do this without Him, I cry out to you, my friends and supporters. The reality of my current situation is that my support account is about to go into the negative -- or already has, as my month-end statement will probably show up as this posts. I am checking my mailbox every day for my German tax bill, which I was told will be in the neighborhood of about 2,000 Euro. I am in desperate need of new monthly supporters in order to finish this school year and move on to Spain this fall. I am going to have to pay all my bills here in Germany for the month of July while I am in America. My five-year old computer has reached the end of its lifespan and I can't afford to buy a new one. There are a lot more stressors on my mind right now but these are the most pressing. It's hard not to despair. God has brought me to a place of complete and utter dependence on Him, and now I humbly seek His provision through you. Many of you are already giving generously and I can't ask you to do more. However, if you are reading this and are not currently partnering with me financially, would you consider praying about becoming a monthly supporter or one-time gifter?

I\d like to end this post by sharing with you two songs that have been on repeat over the last few weeks. The first one, Faithful, is a beautiful reminder of how I can trust God with my future because of what He's done with my past. The second, Lift My Life Up, is a response to God's faithfulness. When I acknowledge who God is my only response is complete and total surrender.

don't blink

Lately I've been burdened by the brevity of life, and convicted by the ways I'm spending my time. As I watch the news scrolling through my internet browser, I read of death, despair, and evil permeating our planet. The truth is, that's the way it's going to be until Jesus returns. But in the meantime, what does that mean for me?

I want to live fearlessly.
I want to love unconditionally.
I want to pursue righteousness on a daily basis.
I want to say words that I've held back in fear of rejection, embarassment, or judgment.

As I think about the rapidly dwindling days left in our school year, I can't help but be reminded of this. Our days are numbered quite literally, and there is so much to accomplish, so many places to go, so many memories to make before we can say we've reached the end. The moment I allow myself to check out and begin counting down the days is the moment I stop thriving and start surviving. I can't blink or the time will be gone. I want to savor my remaining days with the eighth graders like a good cup of coffee, not charge through them like a bottle of water after a hard run.

Yesterday began with my discovery of a brand new Relient K song, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. It expresses so perfectly what I've been feeling that I shared it with my eighth graders this morning during our devotions, and now I'm sharing it with you. Let it be a reminder to live and love fully each day!

Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. [Psalm 39:4-5]

five things friday

I'm so excited to be in Greencastle, Indiana this weekend visiting good friends and sharing about my year at BFA with the Lifebuilder Community Church!! Here are five things that are on my mind right now.

{1}

This week my mom and I attempted to make the short version of this dress. The tutorial makes it look super simple, and for the most part it was. We just couldn't get the elastic thread to cooperate, so we improvised. Now that we've figured out our own tricks, we hope to bust out a few more of these in different colors before I head back to Germany!

{2}

Sesame Street has spoofed Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe with the Cookie Monster. I can't stop singing this song. (Email subscribers may need to click on the title of this post to view the video)

{3}

Speaking of cookies, Happy Birthday, Oreo. If you like birthday cake and Oreos, you will love these special edition Oreos celebrating the cookie's 100th birthday! They are super yummy, and my pack was gone within two days. Don't worry, I shared!!

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{4}

The game Zug um Zug (Ticket to Ride in English) is one of my new (within the last few years) favorite games. Alot of people think board games are boring, and I will agree - most American board games are boring because all you do is roll the dice and go in circles around the board. Europe sort of has us beat in that area. When playing Zug um Zug, no two games are ever the same, and there are expansion packs available to add even more variety! It's a strategy game with only a litle bit of the "luck of the draw" tossed in. My family now has the Europe, USA, Asia, India, and Switzerland maps and we have been playing a LOT this summer. If you're a local reader, you should come over and play with us sometime. :)

the Swiss map

 

{5}

Support raising continues to be a slow process. I know God is working and moving in people's hearts to generate generosity, and I know He is reminding me to trust in HIM rather than myself. Resting in peace is a daily choice, as I have always struggled with anxiety and the uncertainty of the next few weeks isn't helping. Just two days ago my mom commented on how much hair I'd lost in the shower - a physical indicator of just how stressed I truly am. I do not believe that God would call me to this ministry and then frustrate me by withholding the resources necessary for me to serve. Please continue to pray for me to find the people who will partner with me financially this year!

according to what one has

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About a month or so ago, I was Skyping with a friend and sharing the burdens that were on my heart. I was overwhelmed by the responsibilities that the end of the year brought, including packing up my apartment and moving before I could fly back to America. I was stressed by my empty support account and at a total loss as to where the money would come from or whether I would be able to pay the next month's rent. I was basically throwing myself a pity party and worrying rather than taking my requests to the Lord.

Towards the end of the conversation this friend encouraged me so matter-of-factly that I felt like I had been hit in the gut. He said, "It's really easy to focus on all the things you don't have, but right now you need to remember all the things you do have."
Uh, yeah.
I was on the verge of completing my THIRD year of teaching at Black Forest Academy, made possible by THREE years of faithful support by friends and family. I had the privilege of calling Germany my home for THREE beautiful, adventurous, priceless years during which I had countless opportunities to speak truth into the lives of my precious students.

And yet there I was, stressing about paying rent.

Today I came across 2 Corinthians 8:12, which says, "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have."

There are a few things that jump out to me when I read this verse. First, the fact that God desires a willing heart. Not a grudging, obligated, resentful, or guilty heart. Just a willing heart.

Second, that the gift is in proportion to what one DOES have, not to what one does NOT have.

I am willing to serve God no matter where He places me. Three years ago I was willing to move halfway around the world to teach even though it meant I would not have my friends and family close by. I would not have the luxury of speaking English to my neighbors and I would not have the convenience of a Wal-Mart down the street. I was willing to teach classes that I had absolutely NO training whatsoever to teach. But I DID have a willing heart and a degree in education, and God has used that obedient offering to make Himself known to me and to my students.

I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that as long as I am willing to give everything to God, He will take care of the details.

So what about you? Are you willing? Are you willing to commit to support the ministry of Black Forest Academy but worried about what you don't have? Be encouraged today by the words of 2 Corinthians 8:12, and ask God to show you what you do have.

If you are willing to partner with me financially to support the ministry of Black Forest Academy, I am looking for both monthly and one-time financial gifts. Please visit the TeachBeyond website for more information and email me {bertschirae(at)gmail(dot)com} with any questions you still have.

last small group

The end of Lugano brought with it the beginning of "the week of lasts." Unrelated to my responsibilities in the middle school was my last small group of the year on Wednesday. For the first time all semester (with the exception of high school retreat) all seven of us were together and I was so happy they could all make it. Schoolwork and other extracurricular activities have made it difficult for some of the girls to attend consistently, and for a good chunk of this past semester I was very discouraged and frustrated by this. I felt like my small group was not thriving like those around me, and I felt like I was failing them because I didn't know how to lead a small group. We finally had some time to talk about it and it turns out I was very wrong. The girls were growing. They were learning. Even though we weren't all together every week, those that were able to come participated fully, shared freely, and made efforts to engage with each other. And when given the opportunity to take turns leading the discussion in our final weeks together, each girls' message applied directly to something I'd been struggling with or thinking about that week! No doubt, God has placed these girls in my group on purpose and I am pleased to share with you that I will continue to lead this group next year when they are sophomores!

For our last time together we gathered early for dinner at the Döner Kebab shop and then hiked up to the Gazebo, a popular lookout perched on the edge of town offering a lovely view of Kandern. Naturally, a photo shoot ensued. We had a time of sharing summer plans and praying over each other as we meditated on Romans 15:13.

my beautiful Kandern



[that awkward moment when you're setting the timer on your camera and
it takes an unflattering picture of you instead]

squinting into the setting sun and waiting for the slow pokies

After treking back down into town we went to the Eis Cafe, the local ice cream shop, where I treated them to ice cream cones using a gütschein (gift certificate) I'd received earlier in the year. There I also gifted them with special matching necklaces that I'd made for them. The necklaces contain a metal washer stamped with the words Faith, Hope, and Love as well as pearls of graduated size for each attribute. It reminded me specifically of a message we'd heard at retreat about these three things, and how Love is the only one that will remain when we get to Heaven. If Faith is the belief in things unseen, we won't need it when we get to Heaven and we can see clearly. If Hope is an expectation for the future, we won't need to wait anymore because in Heaven the future becomes our present. But Love, Love will become perfect because we will be in the presence of the Perfect One. I had never heard it explained that way before (and I really can't do justice what the speaker actually said!!) so it really stuck with me and was the motivation for making these necklaces.

It has been a great year getting to know these ladies outside of the classrom setting, laugh and cry and pray with them, and walk through the first year of high school with them. I can't wait to see what next year holds for us.

thankful thursday

This week I'm thankful for:

• Sunshine. So.much.sunshine.
• Warm nights and open windows
• Iced coffee - mocha coconut, to be precise
• Daily reminders of God's presence in my life
• My small group girls
• Catching up with several good friends on Skype this week
• A last minute invite to proctor the SAT test this weekend - yay money!

small group victories

I continue to be amazed by the wisdom and depth of understanding my small group girls possess at such a young age. Awhile ago I mentioned that for the remainder of the year I am challenging the girls to take turns leading the devotional part of the evening. I think it gives them a little more ownership within the group and also allows them a safe platform to articulate what they are learning or experiencing, and so far it has gone well.

Tonight was Joyce's turn to share. You may remember her from the guest post she wrote for me last summer. Anyway, she talked about how the last two months have been difficult for her in many aspects, and that she discovered her problem was that she had forgotten just how big God is. She talked about making her own plans, mapping out her life, and sort of downsizing God's presence, only to realize just how big she had made herself. Her challenge and encouragement for us was to remember God's presence in our lives on a daily basis, in the big and small things.

Yes, this is exactly what I wrote about earlier this week. My own epiphany that God is with me every single moment of every single day. This is the second week in a row that the message shared by one of my girls was spot on with what I had been thinking about or dealing with that week - evidence that God is using these girls to speak to me!

My time with the girls tonight, talking, praying, and meditating on this truth, was another one of those moments where I just wanted to freeze time. The stresses and worries of the next few weeks faded into the background while we focused on God's word and his promises to us. Of course the night had to end, and they had to return to their reality of homework and projects. I myself had to return to the reality of lesson planning and Lugano details... But we parted ways victorious, trusting that God was not only going before us, but going alongside us and behind us.

the great hallelujah = heaven's teaser trailer

This weekend I had the awesome privilege of singing in a two-night praise and worship concert called The Great Hallelujah. It was organized by Danny Plett, a JanzTeam/TeachBeyond member who engages in the ministry of music, both recording albums in English and German and giving concerts throughout Europe and North America. He is incredibly talented and was so much fun to work with over the past four months as we rehearsed and prepared to lead this event.

Here is the first song of the concert - this video is part of a playlist and you should watch it all when you have the time. I promise you won't be disappointed!

I was thrilled to be a regular member of a choir for the first time since my Moody days in the Women's Concert Choir, but I really had no idea just how amazing this experience would be for me. While we rehearsed our parts, worked on rhythms, and memorized our lyrics, there was no pressure to have the uniform appearance or sing with perfectly tall vowels.

Each of us had our own microphone, and we were instructed to "get into it" and let the Spirit lead. With this new-found freedom I found myself so wrapped up in the music that I forgot people were watching me! It was a true worship experience for me, unlike anything I have ever felt before in my life. In those two and a half hours of singing praises to our King, I had forgotten the stress of the weekend, the pressure of my finances, and all the requirements, responsibilities, and checklists I have to get through in the next month... all these things that have been weighing so heavy on me faded away and all I could think about was God's presence enveloping me and speaking to my heart.

The concert ended and as I climbed into bed, I found I was on such a high from my experience that I couldn't sleep. It wasn't until after midnight, almost 1:00 am that I finally dozed off, songs from the evening still running through my head and serving as a soundtrack for my dreams.

I feel like a teenager who has just spent the weekend at a retreat and come home "on fire for God." More often than not this fire starts to dim when one returns to the daily grind and the reality of life takes center stage.

As I try to move on with my life "Post Great Hallelujah" I have come to an obvious, yet startling realization. I felt God's presence so clearly and strongly at the concert, but the truth is that he has always been there. He was there before the concert, he was there after the concert, and he is here now as I write this post. He is there on the mornings when I don't want to get out of bed, He is there on the days when I'm on cloud nine, and He will continue to be there no matter what comes my way. He has been there everyday from the beginning of time, even when I couldn't "feel" him. My elation at being in his presence is certainly an appropriate response, but I need to remind myself that every single day He is with me.

Danny wrote a song called "I Arise Today," which speaks to my heart and has become my prayer. Here he is performing it at the Great Hallelujah concert. I pray this song blesses you today!

not my party

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This week at a meeting with some Member Care people from my mission, a story was shared about a young boy who arrived at school one day to a surprise. It was his classmate's birthday, and the child's mother had come in ahead of time to place treats and balloons at each child's desk. The boy began to notice that the birthday girl had more treats and attention that he did, and he began to show his frustration by huffing and puffing and stomping about. His teacher came over and gently told him, "This is not your party."

Lately God has been reminding me of this truth in several areas.

In my coffee cupdate this week I wrote about support raising being a stressful and negative thing, something that I would rather avoid right now because it makes me uncomfortable and is hard. When I go to America for the summer I arrive filled to the brim with stories about the school year and awesome things God has done in my students' lives. Do I share those stories to bring him glory? Or to bring myself glory? A life of obedience to Christ means doing things not with selfish ambition, but to make his name known. It means going out of my comfort zone and doing what he asks because he is faithful and will bless my obedience which, in difficult circumstances, can be a testimony to those watching me.

At small group on Wednesday Ashley shared about her personal experience of learning to do things for God's approval rather than man's. She shared from Colossians 3, relating it to her recent chapel band auditions and other events where she found that joy came in doing these things for the Lord, rather than for the approval of her peers.

Tonight at choir practice, I biffed my solo. All week I had been practicing, humming my notes in the hallway at school and belting it out at home (much to the dismay, I'm sure, to my neighbors). My first time singing this solo with the choir was tonight, and when Danny began playing the intro I realized I had been practicing in the wrong key all week. Suddenly had to rethink a whole verse in a matter of seconds. Use your imagination. It didn't sound good. I was so embarassed that I had to close my eyes to finish my part because I couldn't bear to look at the choir members.

But why am I singing a solo in the first place? Even though I tell myself I'm not trying to look good, my pride was admittedly injured as I fumbled through my solo in front of the choir tonight. Tomorrow night I have to remember that I am singing the first verse of Amazing Grace to bring glory to God alone. Obviously I want to sound good. Who doesn't? But in the end it's not about the notes I'm singing or how many compliments I get afterwards. It's about proclaiming the truth of God's grace.

To God all glory, forever. This is not my party!!

coffee cupdate: in which I pour out my heart

If we were to sit down for a cup of coffee I would have a lot to tell you.

I would probably lament the fact that May is one week away and we are stuck in a cold rainy stretch that just makes me want to sleep. Then I'd probably open up my planner to show you just how full the next few weeks will be and point out that I'm flying back to America on June 5th.

I'd name all the things that need to get done before then and confess that the upcoming weeks (and months!) are somewhat panic inducing, and that I don't foresee feeling calm and settled until school begins again in September.

I'd admit that I feel most at peace and when I am in full-on teacher mode: researching, organizing, planning and preparing lessons, teaching my students, engaging in their day-to-day lives, and doing what I was made to do... but that lately more often than not, the extra work necessary for me to be here fulfilling my life's calling has put knots in my stomach and kept me awake at night.

I'd tell you that I am looking at some scary big needs for the upcoming school year including a German tax bill for four years of residency, and that I wonder how God will provide. Together we might brainstorm ways for me to make new connections and gather new supporters, and we'd dream about all the possible ways God could work and provide this summer, knowing full well that His ways are mysterious and we will never be able to predict what He can do!

I'd wonder aloud if this summer will be like last summer, when six regular financial supporters had to withdraw their support within weeks of each other.

After confessing my doubts I would recall what a privilege it has been to partner with countless friends and family members who can't go overseas and do what I do, and instead "serve vicariously" through me. I would recount the many ways God has surprised me and done things for me that I never could have done on my own, so that I might serve the students of BFA and make His name known among the nations.

What would you tell me?

coffee cupdate

If we were to sit down for a cup of coffee, I would have a lot to tell you.

I would most likely shake my head in disbelief as I tell you that the third quarter ended today! I would groan a little telling you that I'm not looking forward to writing comments for the report cards because a few parents have taken offense at comments I gave last quarter and let me know by writing me angry emails. But then I would remember that parents like these are the exception, and tell you again what a privilege it is to serve at BFA.

I would definitely take a huge sip of coffee and tell you how thankful I am for caffeine. I would shamefully admit that I haven't gone to bed before midnight in almost two weeks and it's starting to wear on me! I might recount how full and long my days have been, and predict that things have no sign of tapering off anytime soon. I would no doubt declare how much I truly love what I'm doing and tell you how I'm trying to savor every last minute with my students, but at the same time am very much looking forward to Spring Break and the rest it promises.

I would probably share with you some of the highlights from the BFA high school retreat, which I attended for the very first time this past weekend with my freshman small group. I might show you this video, which I heard for the first time at retreat and has become my new favorite song. I'd confess that lately I have been doubting choices I've made and allowing Satan to play the "what if" game and feed me lies, but that I am clinging to this new reminder of God's faithfulness and excited to see what the next few years will hold for me.

By this point I would remember how tired I am and our conversation might begin to wind down. I'd ask you what you've been up to and how you're spending your days. I'd ask you what you're looking forward to this week and I'd ask what God has been teaching you lately. What would you say?

forgiving the villain

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This week during homeroom my 8th graders and I have been praying for the people involved in the school shooting that took place on Monday at Chardon High School (Ohio). For some reason, this event has been heavy on my heart as I try to understand TJ Lane, the boy who brought a gun to school and murdered three other boys. There hasn't been much information released about the young man except that he was a loner, regularly picked on by others, and the son of an absent father.

Now we cannot presume to know TJ or any of the other people involved in this story. We don't know anything aside from what the media tells us. Yet we are quick to point fingers and spew accusations. We like having a person to blame, a face to direct our anger towards. Naturally, our blame goes straight to the shooter. We don't need the whole story! We've got a guy with a gun! That's all that really matters, afterall.

I will not deny that he is to blame. There is no excuse for murder. He deserves whatever punishment the court deems appropriate.

But what happens after the punishment?

In an ideal world: Repentence. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. Freedom.

If my Facebook newsfeed is any indication of America's general consensus (and it usually is), forgiveness isn't an option for TJ Lane. We need someone to hate, and TJ is the perfect candidate. After all, he did kill three people. Nevermind that we are third party observers with no personal connection to the victims. We self-righteously tweet that TJ is a scumbag who will suffer the wrath of God in the eternal flames of Hell because obviously, that's where he's going when he dies.

Am I the only one who finds this incredibly disturbing? Who do we think we are, to cast such judgment and withhold forgiveness from another human being? I'll say it again - he did a terrible thing. However, he is not the first person to have committed homicide and he will certainly not be the last. And let's not forget that we ourselves are broken, sinful people. Maybe you've never murdered anyone, but sin is sin.

As I've already mentioned, my 8th graders and I have been spending our homeroom time this week praying for the people involved in the shooting. We have prayed for peace and strength for the victims' families, and for restored health for the injured students.  We have bodly asked that TJ Lane find salvation. We have asked that God be glorified in this tragedy, and that His truth would be proclaimed.

This morning I came across an article and video with the headline stating, "Chardon High School shooting victim's mother forgives alleged gunman." Of course, I had to share it with my students, and we rejoiced that God is using this tragedy to draw people to Him. I encourage you to watch the interview. It alternates between the mother, Phyllis, sharing memories of her son and answering questions from the reporter. At one point the reporter compliments Phyllis for her faith, then tries to imply that the shooter had a less than ideal upbringing. Phyllis refuses to speculate about TJ, saying, "Until you walked in that person's shoes, we should not speak of them or mention them, because you don't know what made him come to this point...it's not my place... GOD is the judge." Her steadfast trust in God and his plan for her life gives her the strength to handle this tragedy with peace. Furthermore, it allows her to forgive the young man who has stolen her own son's life.

I don't know about you, but I'm convicted. If she, having suffered the tragic loss of her own son, can extend forgiveness to TJ Lane, then tell me: why is it so hard for the rest of us?

a coffee cupdate

If we were to sit down for a cup of coffee, I would have a lot to tell you.

I would tell you that I am so thrilled to be singing in a choir again, and that Danny Plett is probably the most fun director I've ever sang for. I would hand you a flyer and ask you to come to the Great Hallelujah at Black Forest Christian Fellowship on April 28 and 29 because it's going to be huge and you won't want to miss it. I would probably then laugh and tell you how I accidentally walked into the men's bathroom during this Sunday's rehearsal, and that while no one was in the bathroom (thank God!), a man standing in the hallway watched me go in and as a result, almost walked into the women's bathroom!

I would probably then remember another awkward/awesome moment that happened at my best friend Katrina's Dominion tournament birthday party on Saturday night. I would most likely be giggling uncontrollably as I explain how I poured myself a drink, then set my cup down and turned around to pick up a cookie, turning back just in time to see someone else pick up my cup and take a sip. I would laugh out loud recalling the look on her face as we both realized at the same time what had just happened. I would also inform you that even though I failed at winning any of the games in the tournament, my mischevious friends and I had pretty epic costumes. I would probably ask you what embarassing moments you've experienced recently. Maybe we would swap "most embarassing moment" stories and laugh louder than anyone else in the coffeeshop.

I might mention that I'm feeling the pressure, financially, right now. You would probably already know that support has been low for me this year, and that some pledged support has not come in, but that God has been doing miracles for me all year. I would share with you that my biggest frustration right now has been trying to decide what to do this summer, knowing that I need to go back to the States for support raising but not having the money to pay for the ticket. Then, I would start grinning as I tell you that my prayer has been answered, and that just last night two people who love me very much (no, not my parents, but they love me too!)  told me that they going to help me buy my ticket! I would then ask you to pray that ticket prices remain stable for the next two months, since the money to buy my ticket won't be available until the end of April and while that makes me a little nervous, I'm trusting that God has a plan and my best interests in mind, and that the perfect ticket is just waiting to show itself!

At this point in the conversation you would notice the earrings I'm wearing. Or maybe you would compliment my necklace, like one of my eighth grade boys did yesterday during class. I would blush a little as I accept your compliment and share that I made them myself. Of course, since you're my friend you would probably already know about my Etsy shop so I would tell you a secret: that in honor of the leap year, for 24 hours on February 29, you can get 29% off your order with the code LEAPYEAR2012.

Then I would gasp and tell you how crazy it is that the fourth quarter begins in ten days. Most likely I would start to get stressed telling you how little time we have left and how much we still have to accomplish, and how the fourth quarter will fly by after we return from spring break. Then I would probably start biting my nails in anticipation of the 8th grade class trip, explaining to you that I am leading this trip for the very first time and terrified to be the one responsible for everything! I would hopefully then recall how awesome my eighth graders are this year and trust that even if I make mistakes in leading the trip, they will still (hopefully!) love me.

What would you tell me? Would you have an embarassing story from the week to share? Would you tell me how to pray for you, or would you share a God moment?

five things friday

Brian Shipley: BFA alumnus Brian Shipley has been missing since February 13. This video was put together to "shine him home." Watching this video blows my mind as I try to comprehend the global community fostered by BFA. Please be in prayer for this young man's safe return!

The Bachelor: I came across this blog post about the TV show The Bachelor, written by a fellow missionary. If you enjoy this show, please don't be offended. This woman speaks truth, yo.

Ten sales: This week, after much begging, I reached ten official sales on my Etsy shop! If you're not aware, the proceeds from this shop supplement the support I raise to live and serve here in Germany. In other words, you can get yourself some bling and support a missionary at the same time!

Around, Around...: This week I rediscovered one of my childhood favorites - an excerpt from Sesame Street's Getting Ready for School video. I'm finding my experience in teaching Math 6 this year to be eerily similar to Grover's experience in the video.

Printable Recipe Cards: In all my spare time, someday I'd like to compile a nice recipe book/cookbook for myself. If I ever hope to become a domesticated woman, it will be nice to have a few tricks up my sleeve. This week I came across this free printable recipe card, which has two options - a generic one to print and write on, and an editable one that you can type on and then print. Genius.

a coffee cupdate

If we were to sit down for a cup of coffee, I would have a lot to tell you.

I'd probably start by bemoaning the fact that we don't have enough three-day weekends, and wish that BFA would look into implementing a four-day school week. We can dream, right?

I'd probably tell you that I am 100% in love with my 8th grade class. I'd explain that this is the first class I've had for all three years of middle school, and I'm already getting teary-eyed thinking about saying goodbye to them. I'd tell you how excited I am to take them to Lugano in a few months, and how proud I am of the progress some of them have made since 6th grade. I'd laugh as I explain that right now, they're doing this thing when class begins and when I greet them with, "Good morning, everyone!" they respond sing-songy unison, "Good morning Miss Bertschi!"

I'd probably tell you that I'm struggling with my 7th grade class. I'd explain how many of them have become complacent and lazy - in their studies, in their homework, and in their classroom behavior. I'd tell you how everyday no less than ten students ask me what time class starts, when they are all standing inches away from the schedule that has been hanging on the wall since the first day of school. I'd shake my head in disbelief as I explain how just today this exact scenario unfolded and when I replied with, "Class starts at the same time it has always started. Look at the schedule," the questioning student retorted, "I'm too lazy to look at the stupid schedule!" ... And then I'd tell you how I'm embarassed with the way I snapped back, "And that's exactly why I'm not answering your question!"

At this point in our conversation I would probably heave a huge sigh and admit how much I dread going to 5th period these days. I would tell you how many different learning styles and needs are present in my 6th grade math class and how much of a challenge they have been to teach. I would admit to you that there have been brief glimpses of hope here and there, but that most days I leave that class feeling defeated and discouraged. I would wonder out loud if I have unleashed a beast by rewarding good quiz grades, because now they won't do anything with real effort unless a reward is promised. I would tell you how today I literally wanted to throw a bucket of water on them because I was doing everything I could think of to get a response from them, and they just stared at me...or stared out the window.

I would then probably perk up as I tell you how much I'm enjoying teaching my media communications class the second time around. I would explain how we refined the course description to weed out the kids looking for a "goof-off" class, and that only five kids signed up. I'd smile as I recounted how at first I freaked out because three of the five were sixth graders who hardly knew how to save a Word document, but how they have turned out to be quick learners and are three of the most responsible sixth graders. I'd brag about how my students have done the majority of their assignments outside of class, and that they have never missed a deadline, and then shake my head in awe as I told you how, in the same amount of time (one quarter), we will have accomplished twice as much work with half the number of students.

I would most likely mention how much I want to stab my eyes out when I think about going to German class. I'd whine about how confusing German grammar is, and wonder why I'm even bothering to learn this language. Then I'd remember how stupid I feel everytime someone outside of the BFA Bubble speaks to me, and realize that I need to learn the language.

At this point in the conversation, I would realize that I have been blabbing the whole time and be embarassed that I haven't yet asked how you are doing. So I'd ask you, how are you doing? What's new in your life? What have been your highs and lows this week? What's been on your mind?

thankful thursday

This week I was really tired. I literally fell asleep in the middle of writing this post on Thursday evening, and I'm finally getting around to finishing it now, two days later!

This week I'm thankful for:

• my students' parents - they have encouraged and blessed us this week with goodies!
• my humble principal - she and her husband constantly shower us with love and gifts!
• valentine's day - an excuse to eat chocolate without regret
• temperatures that are finally above freezing. I never thought 34*F could feel so warm.
• sunshine. Despite the cold temperatures we'd been having, the sun was still shining.
• the upcoming three day weekend - no school Monday!
• salted crusty bread from the incredible lady next door to the school

one of these things is not like the other

Today was a long day. As predicted, I spent a lot of time sitting and listening to presenters, but the good news is I picked the right sessions! With the exception of one, all of the sessions turned out to be very relevant and practical for my role in teaching science and also applicable to the middle school. One of our presenters showed us this video, but thankfully none of my sessions were like this!! (If you're reading this in an email, go to my blog to view the clip)