refreshed

That's how a colleague and the parent of one of my students described me a week ago when she saw me for the first time in a few months. Initially I was taken aback, but after a bit of self-reflection I realized that it was a more accurate statement than I would have imagined.

As many of you already know, I had the tremendous privilege of spending the summer here in Germany. After five straight summers of touring the Midwest and raising support, I made a decision to take a break and truly rest this summer so that I could go into my final year at BFA without feeling frazzled and rushed and worn out, like in years past. Going into it, I was excited for the opportunity to see Kandern in a new light, interact with the members of my community in a different way, practice my German, and most importantly, to rest. I dog-sat for three different families, kid-sat for two different families, joined a summer small group, attended countless weekly church picnics, and braved the German pool and its Speedo-clad patrons over twenty times! Then I moved into a new apartment, which I furnished and settled into throughout the month of July. I also spent a decent amount of time working through some of my curriculum, updating lesson plans and files so that next year I can make a smooth handoff to the new science teacher.

But the summer has also had its challenges. Not being in America has turned out to be so much difficult than I ever thought possible. Also, this is now the longest I've been away from my family, ever. I'm hoping that I can afford a trip home this December to spend Christmas at home, but if I can't, then by the time I get home I will have been away from America and my family for two whole years. Furthermore, I missed out on valuable opportunities to connect with friends and supporters, people I would typically meet up with or run into during my time in the States. My support account has suffered because of this...since I did not make any presentations at my supporting churches, there were no natural opportunities to casually chat with strangers about my role at BFA, no one to slip me a $20 bill in a handshake, no one to hand me a check because they were moved by my stories.

But when I was told that I looked refreshed? Despite my initial disbelief, it's true. Refreshed is never a word I would have EVER used to describe myself at the beginning of a new school year. Every year of teaching thus far has begun with me exhausted from a summer of support raising, arriving mere weeks or days before school began, frantically trying to get everything ready for the first day, and generally just feeling completely overwhelmed. So this is a new feeling, refreshed.

And yet, despite this new feeling of being refreshed, there is a strong undercurrent of uncertainty and anxiety as I am coming to grips with this being my last year at BFA. School begins tomorrow. Everything is starting new and fresh but for me it is officially the beginning of the end. If you know me at all you know I hate change, I hate goodbyes, and I hate crying in public. All of these things are on the horizon for me this year, in terrifyingly large doses.

I would greatly covet your prayers this year as I begin to process and work through the idea of leaving this amazing place -  with its talented teachers, dear friends, precious students, and breathtaking views. I don't know what the future holds beyond this school year (and even that is not a guarantee!), but I do know that I can trust God. He has never failed me, He is faithful, and above all, He is GOOD.

In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

Chris Tomlin, Sovereign