This week I read an interesting post by Adam Young of Owl City. He had actually reposted another blog that discussed 10 myths about introverts. As I went through the list, I found that many of the points made apply to me! I have always believed I was an introvert, and I find it interesting that God would put in me a position that in many ways goes against my natural, introverted tendencies.
Being a teacher requires me to go out of my way to get to know my students and find ways to support them. Sometimes it requires small talk before they are willing to discuss truly important matters with me. It requires me to develop rapport with my colleagues and superiors, some with whom I have no relationship outside of a school day. I will "meet and greet" roughly 100 parents each school year, perhaps up to 50 of those in that epic, neverending day known as the Parent-Teacher Conference. I am expected to interact with them outside of school, in the grocery store, at a restaurant, after church while timidly sipping my coffee and trying to stay out of the mayhem that is Kaffee und Kuchen.
Being a missionary requires me to, in a sense, put my life on display for those around me. Churches that support me beam my photo onto the jumbotron before a service, and post my newsletters on the bulletin board. When I visit, there is pressure to remember everyone's name and to know the names of people I have never met before, but know my whole life story because they read my blog. It also requires of me to rely on others when I would much rather fend for myself. Introverts often tend to be very independent as well, and I am no different.
More and more, though, I'm realizing that I am not independent. I can not simply "take care of myself." As it stands, I receive funds from several dozen faithful supporters each month. Imagine, if you will, that instead of receiving funding from these supporters, I received a monthly paycheck. How would that change the way I viewed my resources? Having worked hard for my money, I would feel a sense of entitlement and maybe even pride in my accomplishment. "Wow, look at all these overtime hours I worked!" I could begin to take my income for granted or even go so far as to become a workaholic, never resting and always trying to make that last dollar.
Thankfully, that is not the case (though I am a recovering workaholic). The money deposited in my bank account each month is not a reflection of the amount of work I do. Much the opposite - it enables me to do the work I do. Furthermore, I could never take it for granted because with every dollar comes the sacrifice of an obedient giver, a faithful supporter who believes in the ministry of BFA and for some crazy reason thinks I'm worth supporting.
Being an independent introvert is in no way a weakness. However, these traits sometimes create tension or uncomfortable situations for me and at times I struggle. I wish I were more outgoing, or more witty, or more comfortable talking to strangers. I wish I were better at banter with my students or giving better answers to questions people have about Germany or BFA. I wish I could be as popular with the students as that other teacher, or raise as much support as that super-outgoing-excitable-bursting-at-the-seams-overjoyed missionary. Then, at the moment when I am feeling like the biggest failure, I am reminded that God's strength is made perfect in my weaknesses - both real (trust me, they're there!) and imagined (just because I don't have the same talents as the next person does not make me weak!). What reassurance that brings, to know that God takes my deepest insecurities and even my self-perceived weakness (introvertedness is not a weakness!) and uses them to do His work. To Him be the Glory.
No comments:
Post a Comment